Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So much rum. So many feels.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
