We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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