your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
