Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
