If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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