Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mom said you looked used
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
