the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
