so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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