I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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