put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
