I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
