i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
