I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
