I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
