i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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