look no pants
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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