u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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