i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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