when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
