How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize