never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
