You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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