Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What a dumb baby whore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
