Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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