Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
