No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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