Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize