Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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