I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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