Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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