I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize