using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
