Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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