Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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