I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
