I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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