Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
