no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
