I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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