farters have to be the big spoon...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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