areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
