I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
