I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
