She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
