The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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