whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
