Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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