i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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