So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
