she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she smelled like a LAN party
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
