Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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