dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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