He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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