just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
