I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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