singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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