he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
