Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
