dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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