Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
