I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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