remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
